Name are very important. Everyone has one; everyone likes to know when you know their name. Everyone knows them to be a part of social interaction. You can’t avoid names (well you can, but it gets tricky). In becoming more awesome at names, here is a bunch of suggestions that can help you.
The following is an incomplete list of some reasonably good techniques to help you remember names. Good luck and put them to good use.
0. Everyone can learn to remember names
in a growth mindset sense, stop thinking you can’t. Stop saying that, everyone is bad at it. Your 0’th task is to actually try harder than that, if you can’t do that – stop reading. Face blindness does exist, you can be diagnosed, and you wouldn’t be the first person I have had that conversation with. Most of these will help with that.
1. Decide that names are important.
If you don’t think they are important then change your mind. They are. Everyone says they are, everyone responds to their name. It’s a fact of life that being able to be communicated with directly by name will be useful.
2. Make sure you hear the name clearly the first time, and repeat it till you have it.
I tend to shake people’s hands, then not let go until they tell me their name, and share them mine clearly (sometimes twice). That half-second when you hear a name and zone out. Is the very half-second NOT TO DO THAT. The following half second when the small talk starts is when you can choose to zone out. But not during the half second that people tell you their name.
3. Repeat their name*
Part of 2, but also – if you repeat it (at least once) you have a higher chance of remembering it. Look them in the eye and say their name. “Nice to meet you Bob”. Suddenly your brain got a good picture of their face as well as a good cue as to their name. If you want to supercharge this particular part; “Nice to meet you bob with the hat”, “susan with the glasses”, “john in the dress” works great!
*Repeating a name also has the effect of someone correcting you if you have it wrong. And if you are in a group – allowing other people to learn or remember a name more easily.
Note: if you are seeing a first-meeting happen between two strangers, repeat the name that you hear in your head too.
4. Associating that name.
Does that name have a meaning as another thing? Mark, Ivy, Jack.
Does that name rhyme with something? Or sound like something? Victoria, IsaBelle, Dusty, Bill, Norris, Jarrod (Jar + Rod), Leopold.
Does someone you already know have that name? Can you make a mental link between this person and the person who’s name you already remember. Worst case about being able to remember their name, “oh I have a cousin also called Alexa”-type statements are harmless.
Is the name famous? Luke, Albert, Jesus, Bill, Simba, Bruce, Clark, Edward, Victoria. Any thing that you can connect to this person to hold their name.
5. Write it down
Do you have a spare piece of paper? Can you write it down? I literally carry a notebook and write names down as I hear them. People tend to compliment me on it if they ever find out.
6. Running a script about it
There are naturally lulls in your conversation. You don’t speak like a wall of text, or if you do you could probably learn to do this over the top. If you take a moment during one of those lulls, while someone else is talking – to look around and take note of if you have forgotten someone’s name, do so at 1minute, 5minutes, 10minutes (or where necessary). Just recite each person’s name in your head.
7. The first letter.
There are 26 English letters. If you can’t remember – try to remember the first letter. If you get it and it doesn’t jog your memory, try use the statement, “your name started with J right?”
8. Facebook, LinkedIn, Anki
Use the resources available to you. Check Facebook if you forget! Similarly if people are wearing nametags; test yourself (think – her name is Mary – then check) if you don’t remember at all then certainly check. Build an anki deck – I am yet to see a script to make an anki deck from a Facebook friends list but this would be an excellent feature.
For testing-learning behaviour to be effective you need to guess first, then check. It’s no use constantly checking name tags because tomorrow when they are not wearing the name tags you won’t be able to rely on that crutch.
9. put that name somewhere.
It seems to help some people to give the name a box to go in. “This name goes with the rest of the names of people I am related to”, “this name goes with the box of the rest of my tennis club”, By allocating boxes you can bring back names via the box of names. (works for some people)
Depending on how your memory works, if you have a strong situational memory – you can encode a name as, “Jason that I met at the dog park”. Then when you see his face again and all you can remember is the dog park, you only need to think is “ah yes, one of the dog-park-names”.
10. Mnemonics
I don’t use mnemonics because with the above list I don’t need this yet. Apparently they work excellently. It’s about creating a sensory object in your head that reminds you of the thing you are after, i.e. a person named Rose – imagine a rose on top of her head, that was bright red, and smelt like a rose. Use all senses and make something vivid. You want to remember? Make it vivid and ridiculous. Yes this works; And yes it’s more effort. Names are really valuable and worth remembering.
11. Reciprocal
My favourite story that demonstrates this idea is by a guy who met Christian. Christian used to introduce himself as, “Hi my name is Christian, I’m not christian but now you will never forget my name”. It was two years later, at a Dojo I was giving, and my friend could still remember Christian’s name to share in the workshop. If we think like Christian – If your name has a convenient memory trick, you should give it away to people as often as possible.
Disclaimer: All of these things work for some of the people some of the time. You should try the ones you think will work; if they do – excellent, if they don’t – oh well. keep trying.
Also see: http://lesswrong.com/lw/gx5/boring_advice_repository/8ywe
and this video on name skill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1_o4oZCEmM
Note: This is also recommended from the book “how to win friends and influence people”
Meta: I wrote this post for a dojo in the Sydney Lesswrong group on the name remembering skills following a lightning talk that I gave in the Melbourne Lesswrong group on the same ideas.
Time: 3hrs to write.
Any suggestions, recommendations or updates please advise below.
Original post here: http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/n2f/
